September 14, 2015

what men think

What expectations do men think that women have from them? What expectations do men have from women?

One of the logical fallacies of men is that they believe that women are attracted to them the same way that they are attracted to women. That is false. 

Generally speaking, women do not weigh physical attraction nearly as high as men weigh it. Instead, women prefer signals of strength, leadership, intelligence and wealth.

Here are a few other common fallacies that men have. They believe that women like:

1) to be put on a pedestal
- This is not true. Women like to be treated with respect, but also will test men for their fitness as  mate. If you put a woman on a pedestal and subjugate yourself to her whims you are showing weakness. Women deplore weakness in men even more than they enjoy fawning attention (for while).

2) to be indulged when they are indecisive
- "I don't know, what do YOU want to do" should be banished from every man's lexicon. Women want you to lead and make decisions, especially if the options are particularly ambiguous. (this does not mean that if she really wants sushi and you don't care that you should pick something else just to be "decisive". You can be decisive without being a jerk.)

3) to be smarter than their man
- women want a man who is as smart or smarter than they are. Ask any woman PhD how interested they are in the books down at the pool hall, even though they are buff from delivering refrigerators all day long.

4) you to always agree with them
- If a woman is wrong, treat her like a grown up and tell her she's wrong and explain why. If you are an atheist and she goes to church every Sunday, don't compromise your principals. You may need a different woman, though, for some thing as fundamental as religion.

5) you to buy her extravagant gifts
- Some women love getting gifts - but those women prefer quality over cost. A quality gift can be a box of Skittles in the right context. Big gifts for big occasions are fine, but only if you feel it and you can afford it. Giving here outlandish gifts in the hope that she will have more sex with you is an egregious miscalculation.

6) you to never cry in front of them
- Crying because someone you love died is perfectly fine. Crying because your team lost a game is not.

7) to initiate sex most of the time
- Generally speaking, women have "responsive desire", which means that they need you to take the initiative most of the time. Women will initiate sex, of course, but if she is doing it much more often, and you find yourself turning her down more than a couple of times a year, then you've got yourself a serious libido mismatch that needs to be addressed. Get thee to a urologist and have your testosterone levels checked.

8) you to put the toilet seat down
- This one is often cited in jokes. However, she is a grown up woman who can check the toilet seat all by herself, just like you do. She needs to grow up.

9) you do a lot of housework
- In dual income households, it makes sense to share the housework. But if she is a housewife (I prefer that to "stay at home mom"), then her job is the housework. Don't be a slob, and don't be disrespectful of her efforts. Sharing chores as a way to get more sex is wrong and ineffective. So only do them for the right reason - if you both work.

10) you be out of work
- An unemployed man is less attractive as an employed man - even if he is a stay-at-home dad. If he is a stay at home dad, he should be working on some money-making or educational endeavor with the aim to get back in the workforce.

11) you to be abusive
- There is a lot of literature out there that claim men should be an "alpha asshole" to attract women.   In fact, alpha assholes do attract women, even smart attractive high quality women. But alpha assholes are still  assholes. A man can be confident and decisive without being a jerk. Think of it as a "captain/first officer" model. The captain relies on and consults with the first officer about the course, but ultimately he sets it.

12) you to be lazy
- Sitting around in your sweatpants playing X-Box every night does not a compelling mate make.  

13) you to be out of shape
- Women are much more forgiving of physical flaws than men are, but if you are a fat lazy slob who is doing nothing to control the effects of age and malnutrition on his body, you will be less attractive.   Even showing a decent effort to stay in shape will be rewarded. Attraction is not a choice - don't give her a reason for the default "no" to kick in.

14) you to let her defend herself from physical violence
- Women like the comfort of having a strong man by them so if shit gets real he can step in and take out the bad guys. This is a primal feeling that many women will deny - but it's there. Also, she needs to know that you can physically destroy her if she gets out of line. This should be implied and never stated outright, and you should NEVER show any physical violence to a woman. There are rare circumstances when an intense stare and dominant growl are warranted, expected, and even appreciated. Of course, that doesn't mean she shouldn't be a bad-ass and take kickboxing or something. But she should still feel safer with you by her side.  

Now, for the expectations that men have of women.

1) to be sexually available and enthusiastic
- Men like women for sex. Try to understand that men have 20x the testosterone of women and we spend a good portion of our mental energy suppressing millions of years of evolutionary urges.

2) to be kind and loving toward him
- You are the physical manifestation of love his his life. Your body, your attention and your desire are all he needs.

3) to optimize her waist/hip ratio
- Men universally prefer a 0.70 waist/hip ratio. The closer you can get to this through diet and exercise the more attractive you will be to all men, not just yours.

4) to look like a 23 year old woman
- Of course, this is impossible, and women who look good "without any makeup" are usually wearing the right amount of makeup to make them look as close to 23 years old as possible. But even though it is impossible, men also will trade "pretty" for "sexy" almost any day of the week. So, your sexy attitude and his "wife goggles" will override the 20 lbs. of baby fat that you just can't shake.

5) to have a well developed maternal instinct
- If you are going to be the mother of his babies, he expects you to want to do that. Even if you decide or can't have kids, a woman can do worse than have a protective maternal way about her.

6) to stand by him
- "Stand by your man" is corny - but if he fucks up, he would like to know that you are on his side, even if his side is somewhat dodgy.  

7) to smile a lot
- Men like happy and confident women. They also like women with a purpose, but it is not nearly as important as

8) to have a career. or not
- Having a career does not move the needle much either way for men when it comes to attraction. It's kind of like having hair on men. Most women have a slight preference, but it is easily overridden by other considerations.

9) to sync up with their expectations of having kids
-  A guy who wants to have kids really needs a woman who feels the same way. Likewise a guy who does not want to have kids should marry a woman who wants 10 kids.

10) to be a great housekeeper
- Even working women are expected to be neater than men. Running a slovenly household is not a good harbinger of a woman's fitness as a parent. It doesn't mean you have to be anal about it - just run a sponge over the counter once in a while.

11) for you to be relatively the same attractiveness as him
- a wife who is unattractive is a social liability to her husband.
- a wife who is very attractive will be the target of thousands of potential suitors.

September 7, 2015

Love is all about percentages

"I don't think love is about fireworks, birds singing and the perfect person. Love is all about percentages. Let's say that 18% of the time you drive me crazy, like insane crazy. But 82% of the time I had more fun with you than anyone ever." - from "Hello ladies" movie Success in a relationship is all about percentages, but not necessarily in the way described. There are different components we take into consideration when creating someone's profile and their needs, like the social, emotional, physical, intellectual, sexual component. When two singles share 80% similar needs on all components, we encourage them to start a relationship. When two singles share 100% similar needs on social, emotional, physical and intellectual component, but only 10% on the sexual component, we cannot encourage that relationship because they are too different. At first they might like the idea of trying something new, but in time they will not feel comfortable doing only things they cannot do. The false believe that only by having sex a couple can tell how compatible they are, is the same one making men think there is something wrong with them, while the truth is they are just not compatible; and sexual compatibility can be measured without interaction.

Why should I believe there is such a thing as a perfect match or a perfect compatibility?

We are not pretending to offer you a perfect compatibility, but we will show you from our members who you are most compatible with. So even if you decide not to become a full member in order to see your compatibility, by completing your profile you allow other members to see how compatible they are with you.